Ingredients:
• 1 region rich in natural resources (preferably with marginalized people)
• 1 greedy elite class
• A handful of military operations
• 2 cups of enforced disappearances
• 1 tablespoon of media censorship
• A pinch of economic exploitation
• Several assassinated leaders (to taste)
• 500 grams of mass protests
• 1 full-grown public revolution
• Freshly chopped coriander (for garnishing, aka final separation)
Instructions:
Step 1: Heat the Pan (Control the Resources) Begin by selecting a region with abundant natural wealth—gas, minerals, or a strategic coastline. Gently place it on low heat by systematically denying the local population any share of their own resources. Let it simmer while government officials promise “development projects” that never arrive.
Step 2: Add the Military Operations Now that the oil is hot, it’s time to throw in some high-quality military operations. Be sure to add a few assassinations of local leaders who dare to raise their voices. Stir well to ensure maximum suppression.
Step 3: Season with Enforced Disappearances & Censorship For extra flavor, generously sprinkle enforced disappearances across the region. Nothing scares the masses more than people vanishing overnight! To prevent any unwanted flavors like “justice” or “international scrutiny,” cover it with a thick layer of media censorship. Reduce the heat, ensuring information is cooked slowly in propaganda.
Step 4: Simmer with Economic Exploitation Once your base is strong, it’s time to drain the region of its wealth. Take everything—gas, coal, copper—while leaving behind empty promises of infrastructure. If locals complain, remind them of “national unity” and accuse them of working for foreign agents.
Step 5: Add Protests and Let It Boil Despite your best efforts, people will eventually realize they’ve been played. This is when mass protests will start to bubble up. Be careful! If you add too many at once, the mixture might spill over.
Step 6: Increase the Heat (More Crackdowns, More Violence) At this stage, frustration among the locals will rise, much like the steam from a boiling pot. To contain it, turn up the heat—more arrests, more bullet-ridden bodies, more internet blackouts. Keep stirring until the anger reaches a critical point.
Step 7: Garnish with a Full-Blown Revolution By now, the dish is nearly complete. The oppressed population, once afraid, is now fearless. Protests evolve into full-fledged resistance. Independence movements that were once whispers are now the main course. As the final touch, sprinkle some coriander on top—symbolizing the moment when the region declares its separation.
Step 8: Serve Hot (Another Partition, Another Loss!) And there you have it! The classic Pakistani Junta Special—Separation Served Hot.
Enjoy at your own risk, but be warned: Every time this dish is prepared, Pakistan shrinks a little more!