Pakistan has announced the mass expulsion of over two million refugees back to their beloved Taliban rulers. Sources confirm this is part of a long-standing agreement between Islamabad and the Taliban, wherein Pakistan promised to deliver a steady supply of victims to ensure the Taliban never run out of people to oppress.
“We were promised a full house,” said a disgruntled Taliban spokesperson. “But Kafir countries have been sucking our victim stock in the last three years, calling it humanitarian evacuation. How are we supposed to maintain our reputation as the region’s premier tormentors if our victims keep escaping?” He asked neighbouring countries Pakistan and Iran to show religious brotherhood and restock Emarat’s empty victim shelves.
However, in a bizarre twist, the Taliban’s breathing late Prime Minister raised objections to Pakistan’s treatment of the refugees. A statement from the body read:
“The sacred right to brutalize our own people belongs solely to us. Pakistan’s security forces beating, harassing, and forcibly deporting them is an infringement on our divine mandate. If anyone is going to make these people miserable, it should be us!”
As the refugees are herded back across the border, the Taliban has reportedly prepared a warm welcome—complete with arbitrary detentions, forced disappearances, and a complimentary insult of single-wifed men.