ISLAM ABAD – SAN FRANCISCO – In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts scratching their heads (and covering their ears), the followers of Pakistan’s former Prime Minister and leader of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insult (PTI) Imran Khan and Iran’s exiled prince Reza Pahlavi have signed a historic Strategic Swearing Pact (SSP).
The agreement, hailed as a “game-changer” in modern diplomacy, aims to create the world’s first cross-border, multilingual, and multi-platform coalition of political insult experts.
The signing ceremony, held in a secret WhatsApp group, was attended by thousands of keyboard warriors from both factions. While no physical meeting took place to avoid any injuries in the middle part of the participants bodies, the sheer volume of voice notes filled with passionate expletives was said to have caused minor internet disruptions in both Pakistan and North America.
“We have long admired the eloquence of Khan’s supporters in crafting creative insults,” said Siyawash Chaloosnizhad, a bald Pahlavi loyalist. “But now, thanks to this pact, we can combine our Persian poetic Dushnams with Pakistani Twitter aggression to form an unstoppable force.”
Junaid Azhar, a 14-year-old Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insult senior Youthia was equally enthusiastic: “Iranians are good with swearing some family members like mother, sister and particularly aunt (amma), but we are more inclusive. We can spice up their taste with a family of up to 65 persons. At times we swear the whole Pind (village) for the idea of one person that we disagree with. Thus, together, we will dominate every comments section of X (formerly Twitter).”
Political scientists warn that if this alliance succeeds, it could set off a chain reaction, inspiring other political groups worldwide to form their own Swearing Alliances. Already, rumors suggest that Trump and Modi supporters are in talks to form a similar coalition.
As the Strategic Swearing Pact goes into full effect, the world braces for a new era of politics—one where no argument is won with logic, no debate is settled with facts, and the sharpest weapon is a well-timed, highly offensive wet swear.